Wednesday, March 2, 2011
I look at my last blog I wrote, and consider someone randomly finding it, reading it, and perhaps thinking, "Wo. She's out there! Oooaaooo!" They could be right! How the hell do I know? Does crazy know it's crazy?
I'd seriously like to know where that rulebook is found giving the guidelines for crazy. I'm betting if there is such a book, that it would have rules in there like, oh, I don't know, taking an automatic weapon to a public place and randomly killing all the people you see. That might be defined as "out there." But what do know?
Yes, I get that there are rules and norms and laws for every society, and they have their place. But I draw the line where love, or any kind of relationship is concerned, and I consider love is behind every relationship we have, not just romantic. In my humble estimation, it is no wonder that we are a people who feel disassociated and disconnected from each other. Look at all the damn rules out there for love and friendship! I don't look at the homeless guy down the street and think to myself, ..."Well, he doesn't deserve love does he? He needs to get his act together before love will come calling." No, I consider if anyone in the entire world needs love, and a show of caring and a spirit of friendship it is that man right there. My next consideration is whether I have it in me to show it to him, and in what way, right in the moment.
We are so ready to reject out of hand, and to be unforgiving for the smallest slight, then wonder why our lives feel so small and confining and alone. We're so ready to look at the other guy over there and judge whether or not they are worthy of our time and effort, instead of just taking the time and effort to give when it's on us to do so. I don't consider all this finger pointing, away from self, to be healthy for any form of connecting. Because in the end, it's about you. Do not look over there and find a reason for not connecting with anyone! Look at yourself, and find within you why, or even if, you can't, don't or won't. Then make a decision, and move along or connect, whatever. Just stop, for the sake of all that is good, stop looking over there for some reason you refuse to give. Even to yourself.
You may consider me to be one of those bleeding heart type folks, but that's not where I'm coming from at all. Truly, for some, I agree with capital punishment. No, what I'm trying to convey here is I take full responsibility for what I think, feel, and decide. And none of it is written in stone. If I don't like a certain thing, I'm going to do my best to not place the burden of that opinion, or decision onto someone else. I'm not always successful, because it's way to tempting to say someone else made me feel a certain way. If I don't like being hit in a relationship, I don't blame the other person for hitting me when it's me not liking to be hit. Some folks like that kind of thing..whatever, I don't, so I'll take my ass over here away from the person who does it. But that's on me...and me alone.
Call me crazy.