Wednesday, March 16, 2011


I've been working at this new job for a week now, and the generosity of the two people who run the facility astounds me.  Their faces light up when I come in, and I can't help but meet it with light of my own.  Truthfully, the job itself isn't really something I'd like to do forever, but these two people have done more for me in one week with their treatment of me than I've had since I got here.  It makes me want to try for them.  It makes me want to do more for them. 

I don't know quite how to say what I desire to say, and I'm really tired right now because I worked a 10 hour day, and have to get up early to work another one tomorrow....

Almost my entire life there has been a struggle between two images I've had of myself.  One good, one not so good.  Recently, I realized a powerful truth;  The image I have of the not so good one was given by less than a handful of in particular.  I can't believe I have listened to it, believed it.  Because the reflections I receive from others, like the two people I work for, is common.  Seriously...a common response to my presence.  Why haven't I ever believed all these generous souls out there, who have shown up in my life time and time again to give me a wave and a smile and a welcome??

It feels like the Universe has been trying to get my attention for so long, and frankly, I feel rather foolish for it taking so long for me to see it.

And with this awakening, my aim and goals are changing.  I have way more to give than I thought I did.  I mentioned it in another blog, but seriously...I'm not going to waste my efforts anymore on those who don't even enjoy me, and don't want to even try to enjoy anything.  Life is just too damn short, and there are more important things to consider than trying to make a miserable person happy, or try to please a person who just will not be pleased.

Maya Angelou said it best:  "Does your face light up when a loved one enters the room?"  I'll add, when anyone enters the room.  A smile is so welcoming.  I smile.  I like to smile.  I especially like it when it's returned.  Gives me warm fuzzies.

Yes, my aim is changing.  I'm believing the generous reflections I receive from all the others now instead of the one.  Majority rules.


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