Thursday, February 17, 2011

Presently Present

The past week has been a rather hellacious week for me, and while I was tempted to luxuriate in self pity, thinking I was the only one being picked on by Life, I can't ignore the theme that appears to be present behind all of our lives.  Namely, LET... GO.  My family and I, friends, people I have encountered the past week, are dealing with some hard truth lately.  There has been one revelation after another, and it appears things are coming unglued.  What is coming unglued?  What we thought we knew.  While a bit shocking to our system, it is truth we have to face, and facing it requires letting go of what we imagined, or want to be there.

We have a choice of course.  We can cling to our fantasies and say, no, you can't have it!  Or, we can let them go, realizing even in the midst of our hurt, truth is better because it's real.  We can choose to be present, in this new, to us, version of reality, letting ourselves adapt to the "change."  After all, it is viewed as change from our perception.  Truth stands, and doesn't change no matter how much we wish it did.  Another thing we have to accept.  Actually, the only thing we need to accept. 

Truth is Truth, and will reveal Itself in it's own sweet time, of that we can be certain, no matter how much we'd like to put blinders on, or manipulate, control, or go around it.  It rises like the sun appears to bleary eyes after a night of drinking.  At first we squint, and raise our hand in defense, yelling, "Ack!  Bright light!  Bright light!"  Ouch.  So it really does behoove us to get honest and real with ourselves, then with others before that happens.  The consequences are much less severe.  I know I don't care to walk through the consequences of my actions any more than the next guy, but I have found it's much better for me if I willingly go there instead of having humble pie forced down my throat.

So I haven't gotten much done while my little fantasy world has been rocked this way and that.  I've thought about it, doing something, like cleaning and whatnot, but that's as far as I managed to go.  Instead, I've found myself sitting in a kind of stupor.  Numb, with a distant kind of sick feeling twisting my gut. Yet I decided to be present while Truth pummeled me with it's arrows.  I waited for my eyes to adjust to the light, for my system to acclimate itself to this new environment, because I've had enough experience and practice to know that Truth, while appearing harsh at first, is friendly.  And its better for me if I make friendly relations with It.  For what I find after I've adapted to the light of truth is this....

Wonder.  The sheer wonder of it all.

Beauty unfolds before my eyes as the light reveals things I didn't see before, because I was too caught up in keeping my head under the covers of darkness.  This morning, I watched the full moon set, then turned around and watched the sun rise with the morning star.  I was so glad to be present for it, as opposed to being caught up in my own hurt, to be able to notice and appreciate it.  I breathed deep, and thanked God for my breath, for being alive and on this fantastic journey.  The sun rose, and I, with my eyes uncovered...Smiled.

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