I Am Here

We can only begin from right where we are.  That's a fact.

I am here.

A friend of mine used to write those words to me on a regular basis, and frankly, I didn't like hearing or reading them.  I didn't like what they meant to me by my own definition.  Now I laugh, because that is right where I am now...here.  Now I can relate to what he was saying then.  I also now understand why it bugged me when he said it.  I didn't like my "here" very much.  I was in extreme discomfort, and I desired to leap right out of it.  My world had been rocked, and turned inside/out in so many ways on so many levels that I felt as if I'd never be okay.  There was so much wrong, and the hits just kept coming.  I feared I'd never be able to rise above it. 

What happens when "here" and "now" aren't much to your liking?  When a heart rending Grief takes hold and won't let you go anywhere but to the bottom of the well?  I was so afraid of what I'd find that Grief had to take me kicking and screaming.  Yet believe me when I say there comes a time when surrender is your only option.  I surrendered...I let go of everything and everyone...

...and wept, and wept...and wept...

and I found, at the bottom of the well....Hope.  In the dark, cold, barren rock at the bottom of that well was a tiny spring from the waters of Life, now slowly filling up what I had just emptied.  Waters that would eventually carry me back up to the surface, and to the light of day once again.  I am here.  I am thankful.

What I find amazing, and kind of amusing, is I am pretty much in the same position that I was in when I fell, but now my viewpoint is different.  I am changed.  I have been reformed in some way.  Now I see what I can do, as opposed to what I can't.  I can see what I have to offer, as opposed to seeing that I don't have anything to contribute.  I see what I have, as opposed to what I have not.  Everywhere I look I see potential and possibility.  I find myself drinking it in, this creative vibration that is everywhere present.  And in that light, in that life giving, and life enhancing water,

I begin...right here...right now.

I am here.