Monday, February 14, 2011

Cupid's Wings and Arrows

It's Valentines Day.  I had forgotten until this evening when a little girl who lives in the neighborhood brought my mother a heart shaped balloon and flower to let her know how much she loves her.  I suppose we need the show of a gift to remember such things.

Maybe that's not true though.  I was with my son-in-law last night when he picked out 2 Valentines cards to send to my daughter who is in boot camp at the moment.  I couldn't miss that it was Valentines.  The store was covered with the reminder. 

There have been times in my life when I've been alone during Valentines Day.  In fact, I would say there have been more times I've been without a Valentine than I've had one.  Yet this is the first time I didn't care.  I think it's amusing I actually forgot!  It could mean I've given up on love.  It could mean a lot of things, or nothing at all.  But here's what I know...

Love is a mystery.  The heart loves who it loves, and there doesn't seem to be a damn thing we can do about it.  Love has this way of making itself known in our hearts regardless of what we may think about it, or the person our hearts have settled on.  I am in love...this I know.  Is it returned?  No.  He did once, not long ago...and the magic of his love evoked my voice to sing again.  Does it matter he doesn't return it anymore?  Sometimes...but no.  It doesn't matter to my heart.  All I can do is surrender.  Make peace with my heart.  It does me no good to disagree with it.  It does me no good to argue.

Oh, I have my moments when I beg for mercy.  When the voice of the love in my heart is so intense I am literally trembling with the power of it.  In those moments I have no choice but to humbly bow my head and say, "Have your way with me.  I can do no more.  Be kind, be kind."  Love, after all, is teaching me something.  I have learned the wisdom inherent in Love is deeply profound.  Priceless.

I used to dream about having and giving love, and it looked and felt like what I see when I behold that painting above by Vettriano.  I own that painting.  It was a Valentines present from my mother and daughter one year.  They know me so well.  Yet I see way more than what is seen on the surface of that painting.  I see a free kind of love that doesn't care about how it just desires to dance with itself.

I do hope the love in my heart manifests itself one day.  That in the eyes of another I see my own love staring back at me, and then takes me in his arms and the dance begins.  I do know its possible.  But I'll have to wait until Love has taught me what it will regarding who it's arrow now points toward.  Until then...all I can do is love him.

And move on the best I am able.

No comments: