Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Open Sesame

Some of you may remember my story of trying to find where the computer mouse opens so I could insert some batteries.  ( My post "Mouse of Power" for those of you who don't know what I'm talking about ).  Well, the challenge of finding where a gadget opens to insert batteries so I can use the damn thing has struck again.  Actually, it seems to be a recurring theme in my life, and has struck more times than I can count.  Of course, it's not the gadget's problem.  How can an inanimate object have a problem?  That would be like blaming the chair leg for being in the way of my toe.  Maybe it's the designer's problem...yes, more fun to blame them for hiding the place where the battery goes.

But then I have to get honest.  Its probably more my problem, seeing as I'm the one who can't find a way in, and I'm the one who wants in.  I'm wondering if the problem is in how my mind works, how I process information, how I think, how I see things... 

I once took a class where the teachers had us undergo every kind of testing imaginable,( it took us a week to get through them all, with several a day given ), for finding out how we process stuff and whatnot.  It's purpose was to help us find our purpose, I think.  To go short here, one of the results of my tests indicated all the ways I process are only found in one-percent of the world's population.  The world's population.  Well, the teachers thought that result was interesting because, of course, they hadn't come across someone like me before.  So when they realized they'd finally captured one, they decided to make a day of it in picking my brain.  I was not a happy camper with the turn of events, but played a good sport, and answered their questions the best I could, in my particular lingo, coming from where I come from in my mind, and whatnot.

What does this have to do with finding the opening where batteries are to be placed in a gadget?

Well, here's the thing...when I couldn't find the damn opening, I tried to look it up on the internet, hoping for some other directions, some picture, some something to give me a clue.  The gadget came with directions, of course, and here is what it said, "Make sure the power switch is in the off position and remove the protective covering.  While firmly holding the upper part of the unit, slide off the bottom part to expose the battery compartment."  So there I am, trying to find how the bottom slides off.  Meaning, I thought the bottom slid off the way a remote control, or my camera, slides off.  I tried everything to get it to slide off.  I even resorted to my handy dandy butter knife solution ( when all else fails ) to see if I could push it with that.  I tried it standing up, sitting down, crouching tiger mode, everything.  It wasn't budging.  Which is why I decided to try looking it up.  I got nowhere with that...because apparently I'm the only one with this problem!  Oh, there were directions on how to use the product itself.  There were even how-to videos!  Which, frankly, pissed me off, because for one, I already know how to use the product, and two, it annoyed the hell out of me to see all those smiling people benefiting from the gadget I couldn't use until I found a way into it to put in one measly AAA battery!

Meanwhile, an hour goes by...(oh, yes, the battle was on.) 

When I couldn't find any indication that there were others out there like me who couldn't find their way in, I began thinking its because of the way I think, the way I process.  So I read and reread the directions, and held up the gadget to study its mysteries from afar kind of thing.  I even went as far as to come up with an affirmation to say aloud, kinda with the OM sound in my voice, "I...am...the...open....way," with eyes closed and the whole nine yards.  Nope, still nothing, and now also providing free entertainment for my mother.

I could feel my brain cells beginning to fry around the edges, circuits on the verge of misfiring, when finally the light bulb came on, and I thought, oh, maybe they mean the bottom half of the gadget.  The way I got there was to read the sentence again about the power switch being off.  I asked, "why is it important for that to be off when there's no flippin' battery in there to make a difference?!"  Well...come to find out, its important because where the power switch is located is where the stupid thing comes apart.  The power switch needs to be off because you can't get it apart when its in the on position.  And the bottom part they are referring to actually has to do with a "bottom" that consists of 2/3's of the entire gadget!

My gawd, I'm exhausted.

Now I'm going to color my hair.  Wish me luck with that endeavor...I think I'm going to need it.


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