Monday, May 9, 2011

j's Love Project - Love Letter To Self

[ Its a funny thing...some years ago, I heard Spirit tell me it was now time to tell my story.  I refused.  My journey since then has been one of coming around to it, and I find it highly ironic that the telling of my story came to be in a letter to myself.  The following is an assignment I decided to participate in, and in writing it just now, I am surprised at what I revealed...even to myself.  God is awesome like that...and wiley.  I can feel Him chuckling and hear Him say....."I win."  He does indeed. :]

j, over at Zebra Sounds, as part of the Love Project she has going on for the year, gave all her readers a homework assignment last week to write a Love Letter to self, which is due today, "to counteract all the negative shit we tell ourselves daily," ( using her words :).  This month is dedicated to self love in the Project, and j asked us to post the first assignment, our love letter to self, either in our blog, or in her comments section.  I opted to post mine here, mainly because I found the idea of posting here in front of family and friends kinda scary.  There is something in me that desires to hide my love for self, and that's just...well...not right.  I realize I have a great deal of love for me, thanks to God's reflection, and this exercise is a declaration of that love.  So I'm singin' it loud -- here goes:

Dear Cindy,

I know you hardly recognize yourself these days.  You were born a beautiful little girl, and then too early, hammers of darkness began pounding you to try to shape you into something else, threatening to steal the light of your being.  You came to know, and experience first hand the evil of mankind at a tender age, and it didn't stop there.  The hits just kept coming.  Not only from mankind, but from a spirit world you didn't understand, only knew that it was dark, and scary.  You raged at the injustice of it all.  Until quit.  Gave up.  Flopped yourself in a chair on a porch, and decided death was better than the life you were living.  You were absolutely convinced that you had no love inside you to give.  You believed you walked under the shadow of a heavy dark cloud, with no hope of ever getting out from under it.  You despaired.  You were tired of the pain, the fear, the abject terror.  You quit, and all went mercifully numb... the pitch of night you found something within you to reach out a hand in the dark.  In the dark night of the soul you reached up.  Never in your wildest dreams did you believe there would be a response.  You reached.  What was that in you?  You had no conscious awareness of what it was, you only heard something within you yell...a voice, your voice?, tiny and far away, from somewhere deep.  You heard it, and reached...for what you didn't know, and didn't care anymore.  You heard that voice from deep within, and listened to what it said.

You weep now in remembrance, but the tears you cry now are those of such a profound gratitude it reaches the stars with it's incense.

Now you know the voice you heard that night long ago was the light given to abide in you.  A tiny flame of your true self placed there by the Divine.  God remembered who you were, for He created you, and placed the memory of it deep within you for just such a night.  Yet you were alone in your choice to listen to it or not, given free will, where even God cannot go.  You listened, and it is that more than anything that speaks volumes of who you truly are.  When all went dark, you chose to listen anyway, reach anyway, hope against hope anyway.  And that is who God knew you to be.  He knew, and had faith in what He created.  He never doubted your choice.

You reached, and He answered...and began the journey and conversation with you to show you who He created you to be, who you are.  The light of you grew bigger and stronger, quickening to life, to be expressed, brought forth into the world.  Along the way, in overcoming the darkness, you've been rebellious, resistant, and downright stubborn at times, shooting yourself in the foot, yet through it all was a small willingness to open your mind to another view, to possibilities, not just lean on your own understanding.  God even knew you'd listen to that willingness when push came to shove.  The Light of His Love brought forth your own, and finally, you saw the Truth.  You are a beloved child of God, and under His tender love you found the courage to free your own...the Love He placed inside you.

There have been more hits since then, but now you know the Truth.  Whatever is thrown your way, you know the answer is to love anyway.  For you know now the love you shed forth from within you, the gift of love God placed within you, the light of it grows ever brighter.  You know now that when you set your love free to be expressed in the world, to be given to all things, you are set free.  That is the Truth that will set you free.

All that you love, from your daughter, to thunderstorms, to dancing, sunrises and sunsets, the light that plays in the wind, the joy of life felt in your very bloodstream, the scent of horses, the touch of a hand, the music of crickets, and so many more things, is all expressed to the fullest.  You hold nothing back, from tears of gratitude, to grief over another who does not know.  Are you perfect in this world?  Hell no!  Nothing is perfect in this world, and never will be, for it is just a shadow of the real deal.  Only in spirit are you perfect.  God is Spirit, and created your spirit, and the spirit of all things, where you are returning.  To your Source.  You know the dream God gave you that is secreted within your own heart.

And finally, you know now that it doesn't matter if the love you shed forth has the appearance of being returned or not.  You've learned not to take anything personal that another does.  You know that love expressed is Cause, and the gift of it, the beauty of it, is the promise it holds.  It holds the key.  The key to the Divine spark within us all.  You know your love has purpose, even if it isn't received, or even seen.  It is footprints in the sand.  Bread crumbs left along the way.  Your love has value, because all love has value, even the tiniest spark. You may continue to experience little tremors of fear, but you do not listen to it.  You continue to reach...

...and you love anyway.  You set your love free.  Within that love...

I AM. 



Anonymous said...

That's the most important: to keep reaching and to keep loving anyway, and withing that love - being!
Your letter to yourself is wonderful, Cindy, I'm glad you had the courage to share with everyone!

j said...

Beautiful. Way too big and powerful to be contained in my comment thread. ;-)

Unknown said...

I've never posted two comments at once, and didn't know I can't respond under each one, sooo

@Estrella - Thank you, and I agree. Keep going, keep reaching, and seriously, I suggest no one make the mistake I did and quit. Its way too hard to get back up, lol. Really 0.o I'm glad I had the courage to write and publish this too, because it taught me as well, in an odd sort of way :).

@j - Thank you as well :). You truly inspire! And I so wish I could write with your beautiful simplicity and style. I'll take your word on it being big and powerful, because for me, its just me and my life, and I suppose I've kinda gotten used to me. I spent way too much of my life feeling small and weak, and perhaps this expression is the power of my bloom :)

Tricia said...

Lovely. I echo what J said.

Unknown said...

Thank you, Tricia :)